


How Many More Times Until I Am No Longer Whole

by VividDayDreamer



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Betrayal, Broken Friendships, Don’t copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heartbreak, Post 4x22, Post Reveal, Samantha "Sam" Arias & Lena Luthor Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 03:36:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20057377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividDayDreamer/pseuds/VividDayDreamer
Summary: Lena falls apart at the realization of Supergirl's true identity, and the betrayal of her supposed best friend.  She wallows in the hurt and disappointment of it all, and leans into the support of her one true friend, Sam.





	How Many More Times Until I Am No Longer Whole

**Author's Note:**

> Another post reveal fic.
> 
> Special shout-out goes to [Caitlin_Sam_Lena_Rey_Hermione](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitlin_Sam_Lena_Rey_Hermione/pseuds/Caitlin_Sam_Lena_Rey_Hermione) for the beta read.
> 
> Hope you guys like it.
> 
>   
  


Darkness surrounded her. It consumed her, from the inside out. And she let it be. After all, she was no stranger to its presence.

The rooftop was peaceful, secluded, distanced from the world, yet still within its grasp. Half a bottle of wine later, the concrete beneath her back no longer felt that cold. She laid there, staring up at the night sky. It was far from perfect, but was there ever such a thing?

  


"Never in my life..." The words left her mouth and tugged at the heaviness in her chest, as she recalled how there had been nothing but pain and suffering at every turn, and how she rarely saw the opposite.

  


Scattered tufts of clouds hovered over the city. The heavy purple hues still contrasted enough with the night sky to be seen. The crescent moon hid behind them, occasionally peeking through the thick covering, offering a sense of solace despite the gloominess of its surroundings. The air was cool and damp, the humidity echoing the threat of rain from its cloudy brethren.

The occasional ray of light that pierced through taunted the idea of happiness being within reach. It left her with false sentiments of hope and happy endings, where even she deserved the right to bask in that luxury. Although, over time, she's learned to humor its presence, never falling fully into the illusion. It was never real. It would never last. It wasn't meant for her. Yet, it only took one person to change that. One person, who made her believe that she was worth experiencing all the joys of life. One person, who also brought it into her life. Though they were also the one person who then took it all away, and left nothing but pain.

Illusions and manipulations were all she's ever known. In the beginning, it brought nothing but heartache . Sorrow and fear. Pain and suffering. Confusion and loss. And every single time, she lost a part of herself. Gone was hope. Gone was the innocence. Gone was the belief that she would ever know what it was like to be something; to be wanted. To be herself and be loved for it. To be appreciated and acknowledged for what she was. To know the truth of her soul, and be understood for who she really was and where she truly belonged.

Over time, she'd grown tougher. Thickened skin, formed from the torments of the outside world. What remained of herself, the little bit of her heart that still could feel, was small and vulnerable. It couldn't face the world without shattering to pieces. The walls were necessary. A stern face was needed. A powerful voice was left. It protected her. However, it dehumanized her in the face of others. She became another icon, well-respected, but also feared. It wasn't who she wanted to be, but it was safe. It shielded her from being hurt again. The less people that got close, the better.

It was lonely, being on the outside looking in. From the classy bars, she'd watch girlfriends laugh and talk, or see loving eyes and graceful touches between lovers. Relationships were something she never could afford. Never did. Not only because of her own doing, but because of the history that burdened her family name. The name, "Luthor," only needed to be heard. And those ears — their hosts would turn a smile, treading carefully until they could excuse themselves from her presence. She'd gotten used to it. It was the way her life was supposed to be.

Until a group of people took her in. "Friends," they called themselves. "Friends," that gravitated towards her because of that one person. From her observation, they acted like it. They supported one another, in the good and the bad. They took enjoyment in each other's company. They were shoulders to cry on when needed. They were crutches to lean on when that was required too. There also was kindness and intuition. When one in the party fell victim to neglect or suffering, despite hiding those emotions, the others could always tell, and they made it their priority to help that person. It felt real, and for once, bits of her heart started to find its way back home.

Though now, she felt like a fool. A fool to have fallen for the oldest tricks in the book. Coming to terms with the truth that broke her heart, she realized it all once more.

  


"Illusions and manipulations." The words came out with scorn and resentment. She sat up and sipped on her wine, while staring into the vast darkness of the night with an unforgiving glare.

  


She couldn't shed a tear after the truth had come out. There was too much anger in her heart. But now, that emotion wavered, giving way to misery and heartbreak. She was no stranger to these emotions, having been raised with them for so long, but this time, it hurt more than it ever did before. Her foolishness let others in, to get access to that vulnerable part of her that desperately needed them, and their treacherous lies cut her where she couldn't heal easily. It left deeper wounds; ones that were still open and bleeding.

  


"You should come inside."

  


Sam's voice sliced through her thoughts, returning her back to the present. A hand placed upon her shoulder anchored her, reminding her that there was still at least one person who cared.

  


"You'll get through this. I promise. Until then, I'll be here for you. Always."

  


The warmth of the touch, the softness in the voice, the sincerity of those words, forced out the sob she tried to prevent. She turned to lean into her friend's shoulder, and she cried. Her hands dug hard into the back of her friend's shirt, gripping it tightly in her fists. She shook as weeping moans escaped from her lungs.

  


"It's okay. I'm here. I'm here." Sam's hand curled around the back of Lena's head and pulled her close, allowing Lena to feel the truth in those words.

  


Tethered by their hold on one another, a soothing calmness washed over her, giving her a chance to breathe. Her heart was shattered, fragments of whatever was left, seemingly lost forever. And as she leaned into Sam's strong frame, she wondered if she'd ever be whole again.

  


**Author's Note:**

>   

> 
> I'm always happy to hear your thoughts :)
> 
> Please leave a comment, or find me on [Tumblr](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com/).


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